i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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