My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
