U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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