and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
