It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
