No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
