you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
