At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
