wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
