We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
