I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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