never play flip cup with pint glasses
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
