Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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