i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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