i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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