Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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