is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
