just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
