omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
