Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
