New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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