I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
