Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
