i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
