thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
