My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
