I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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