did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
