girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
