I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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