my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
