just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
high people should be assigned attendants
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
