If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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