i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
