Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
