Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
