we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
