Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
