I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
