Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
