My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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