I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
