New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
