I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
