$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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