My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
