I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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