yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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