Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
