mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
