If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
