I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's shark week go big or go home
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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