Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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