i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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